In this follow-up to her best-seller Emotional Blackmail, which explored emotional disorders and trauma, counseling psychologist Chou Mu-Tzu takes an in-depth look at “insecurity” in interpersonal relationships, offering solutions as she guides readers towards understanding and self-healing.

A core theme – love, family, or self – is explored in each of the book’s three sections. Using easy-to-understand language and actual cases, the author examines the origins and impact of insecurity, breaking down how we learn to give and receive love in childhood and subsequently carry these learned patterns into our adult relationships. She also helps readers to understand their personal emotional habits and response patterns, showing how we can learn to interrupt ineffective and even self-harming interaction cycles.

In the section on love, the author explores the interaction patterns for the different emotional attachment styles. In conflict situations, for example, an anxious type is more likely to admit mistakes and explain, whereas an avoidant type will shut down and be silent. These explanations help readers identify attachment patterns and establish healthier intimate relationships. The section on family describes the characteristics of “love-seeking parents”, such as lack of empathy and an inability to express their true emotions or handle rejection, and suggests that readers establish emotional boundaries to improve parent-child relationships. In the final section on self, the author emphasizes the importance of self-care, encourages people to face up to their vulnerability, practice self-affirmation, and learn to coexist in harmony with their emotions. Instead of pinning their hopes on “meeting someone better”, the author advises readers to practice finding a better footing in their current relationships.

Chou Mu-Tzu’s aim is to introduce cognitive interventions that will help readers become aware of toxic behaviors and thinking patterns. The book acts as a trusted companion and manual, and will be of particular interest for readers who wish to explore emotional issues to better understand their own and others’ behavior.